Dealing with Loss

"Just Listen" by Dr. Mark Goulston Is a book that helps with how to deal with loss.

According to Dr. Goulston the key to moving successfully through loss and back to higher living is to respond to loss in the most grounded, honest, and creative way possible. To that end, he suggests that we essentially have three brains; a reptilian brain, or "fight or flight brain", an emotional or feeling brain, and then our higher awareness or creative brain. This, of course, greatly simplifies the brain and the various ways our brains function, but for our purpose of working through upset and trauma quickly, this simplistic understanding is enough to get us through loss and back on track to recuperation.

In order to move through the negative feelings of loss and despair and be able to tap into your creativity and intuition, you must move from the reptilian brain response, through the emotional response, and then on to the higher Spiritual response as quickly as possible. Only there, in your Higher brain, or mind, or Spirit, (my version) can you hear the voice of your intuition and follow this inner guidance to higher ground. This sounds difficult but in fact can be done easily by using this 5-step method to move onward and upward when faced with upset, loss, disappointment, or any other unpleasant situation.

Begin by imagining that you are stepping onto a small five-step ladder, each step leading you away from the problem and toward the intuitively guided solution or new direction.

Close your eyes and take the first step, saying either to yourself or out loud, (I prefer out loud.):

Step 1. OH %%$@!!! (This is the first reptilian fight or flight response.) Then take two deep breaths.

Then mentally step, problem in mind, up to

Step 2. Then say quietly, or out loud, "OH my God!" Again take two deep breaths.

This step moves us on to our emotional victim response.

Step 3. Next, move up to the third step and say, "Oh NO!" Then take two deep breaths. This step takes us further into the emotional and even denial response.

Step 4. Continuing, move up to step 4 and say, "Oh Well!" This step walks us out of denial and into an acceptance, and now detachment response.

And finally step onto the top step, into your Higher Self, your Higher Consciousness, where in your mind's eye you can see clearly once again and say,'

"OK! Now what is the solution?" This final step opens the door to full acceptance of the event and now gives us access to a receptive intuitive response.

At first these five steps may take a while to move through, but if you practice them like a drill, moving more and more quickly through them each time you face an upset, the more quickly you can calm the emotional waters and the undertow of fear, and get connected with your Intuitive Spirit who can them guide you safely and in a grounded way to a productive creative response and move you to higher ground.

So, as a review:

When upset arrives

You say,

1. Oh &%$#)!!! (Or whatever expletive you prefer) Then breathe.

2. "Oh my God!" Then breathe.

3. "OH NO!!" Then breathe.

4. "OH well." Then breathe.

5. "OK." Then breathe a few times. "Only then ask your Spirit, "Now what is the next step?"

And then listen, breathe, be quiet, and wait.

A response may come from your Spirit right away or it may not. But at least you are out of the floundering and devastated mode of fight or flight and the powerlessness of victim mentality and are now primed to hear your intuition when it does present you with new direction.

You can repeat this 5-step process when responding to any loss, crisis, disappointment, upset, or surprise that you do not like. In fact, the more you repeat it the more it will start to become your automatic response to upset and the more quickly you will get back into the best possible flow, no matter what has happened.

Do not forget to breathe and listen at the end of the drill.

To make your intuition even more clear, you can also place your hand over your heart after you say, "OK, What is the next step?" and answer out loud, "My heart says…." And fill in the blank.

This simple drill works to keep you from feeling helpless, hopeless, ambushed, stuck, and in victim mode and keeps you moving toward the light, connecting with love to your Higher Self, Your Spirit for guidance, as you move through difficulty.

Try it the next time you find yourself upset, or worked up, and out of touch with your intuition and Spirit. Call it the 5-step ladder to intuitive guidance. I know it will help you under stress as it does for me.